The person I wanna be is not fearful.
The person I wanna be is not hateful.
The person I wanna be is not envious.
The person I wanna be is not judgmental.
The person I wanna be is not angry.
The person I wanna be is free.
I can only change the world by changing myself.
Friday, January 26, 2007
breathe of fresh air
Well as I took my oldest out to eat this evening at the nearest Chick-Fil-A, I looked around to see something I had never witness or at least noticed before. Of course I saw many women, hands full with possibly two or three kids at her feet, but I also noticed quite a few dads with their own hands full. And guess what? No moms in sight...TG! You can only imagine what they were doing with their down time...working in another form I'm sure...but I have hopes that one was taking a nice bubble bath somewhere. There's no way that men can touch the generations of women that served as mothers and caregivers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...or that automatically took the kids to struggle as a single parent because of a deadbeat dad or divorce. But to see dads participating fully in the hardest job on earth gave me much glee & hope. I have been lucky to have very involved fathers in my children's live...never running from the responsibility...far from perfect, but being much better men and fathers than their own were. It definitely gives me hope for a brighter tomorrow...of course then my cum ba ya moment was ruined when a very demanding little girl basically screams at her mother in line that "one ranch just would not do!!" I would've gladly given her a golden ticket for a visit see Willy Wonka.
unfair
What's the hardest lesson in life? That things are unfair. We continually look for ways over, around or under in order to make life just, but seriously who are we really kidding? Whether it's the Sunday paper being drenched in water or the articles inside it that keep us updated on some of the unbelievable things that go on in our world, there can be too many unfair points in life. I just love the people that request to "speak with someone higher" or that think they are "going to show them" and end up only making themselves look like huge babies in adult bodies or end up on the evening news. I don't understand why they don't just get on the floor & kick & scream their way to justice. Then there are the people that think they will go the adult route & "get their lawyer". They will sue unfairness until it goes away.
We often look at other people's circumstances or situations and envy the ones that seem to "have it all"...do they? Or have they just adjusted their attitudes and perspectives so much that they & you have to believe they do? We look at the people that seem less fortunate & hang our heads low with frowns on our faces feeling sorry for them...all the while we secretly are glad that it's not us....hmmm. We think to ourselves, I couldn't imagine going thru that, or being "him/her". But isn't the truth that we have all been on the short end of the stick in some way shape or form...some victim of the butt of one of life's ironic, cruel jokes? We have all felt the pain from life's unfairness. We have all felt the sadness of reality and only hoped that whatever escape cloud we could get on next would carry us quickly to a destination that would make us forget. So what is the cure for all the injustice in the world? I would say humor...the only shelter that we have from the cruelty of the unfairness of life. After all, nothing is more funny than being beat with the "life isn't fair" stick so many times that you can't see straight...then and only then can you truly go to the place way down under & grab the strength you need for a great laugh.
We often look at other people's circumstances or situations and envy the ones that seem to "have it all"...do they? Or have they just adjusted their attitudes and perspectives so much that they & you have to believe they do? We look at the people that seem less fortunate & hang our heads low with frowns on our faces feeling sorry for them...all the while we secretly are glad that it's not us....hmmm. We think to ourselves, I couldn't imagine going thru that, or being "him/her". But isn't the truth that we have all been on the short end of the stick in some way shape or form...some victim of the butt of one of life's ironic, cruel jokes? We have all felt the pain from life's unfairness. We have all felt the sadness of reality and only hoped that whatever escape cloud we could get on next would carry us quickly to a destination that would make us forget. So what is the cure for all the injustice in the world? I would say humor...the only shelter that we have from the cruelty of the unfairness of life. After all, nothing is more funny than being beat with the "life isn't fair" stick so many times that you can't see straight...then and only then can you truly go to the place way down under & grab the strength you need for a great laugh.
what really is n-o-r-m-a-l?
You know, it really is funny how we all want normal lives and to be normal people....hahaha, how funny :) I had someone once ask, what is normal anyways...when I happened to say I wanted to be that way. And for a moment, I did have to pause & think...hmmm, what is this word really all about? Well the fact is, I have came to the conclusion, that there truly is no such a thing. There is the scale that we measure ourselves & others by according to what we have been taught or conditioned to think, but "at the end of the day" as I so often love to say, who in this crazy world has the book of normal by their bedside?
Then we have the right/wrong scale. Oh boy, what fun that is. I read somewhere once where someone said you could measure if something was "wrong" by if it hurt another person & of course we've all heard the "as long as I ain't hurtin' nobody" spill. After all this analyzing, I figured I don't believe in right or wrong. I believe in simple truth & untruth. Untruths are the things we tell ourselves or do to make us feel a sense of power. Ultimately they don't have any power, so eventually they fall to the wasteside. Truth is eternal, the only thing that lasts. The only thing that with each sunset & rise will be there...even past the sunset & rise. It is the only thing to believe in, the only thing you can't measure...that is too great for any yardstick or our small minds to comprehend. At this point, too many are simply trying to aspire to or reach for..."normal".
Then we have the right/wrong scale. Oh boy, what fun that is. I read somewhere once where someone said you could measure if something was "wrong" by if it hurt another person & of course we've all heard the "as long as I ain't hurtin' nobody" spill. After all this analyzing, I figured I don't believe in right or wrong. I believe in simple truth & untruth. Untruths are the things we tell ourselves or do to make us feel a sense of power. Ultimately they don't have any power, so eventually they fall to the wasteside. Truth is eternal, the only thing that lasts. The only thing that with each sunset & rise will be there...even past the sunset & rise. It is the only thing to believe in, the only thing you can't measure...that is too great for any yardstick or our small minds to comprehend. At this point, too many are simply trying to aspire to or reach for..."normal".
Thursday, January 25, 2007
balancing fulfillment with survival
We are all given gifts & talents to share & help others. That is our purpose here...to help others. That is what leads to the most fulfillment etc. in life...but what if you are like me & haven't a clue what your gifts and talents are? Or if you do know them...what if you haven't the slightest clue as to how to use them to help others and make a wonderful living at the same time??!! Talk about feeling like hitting a wall.
I know I have many gifts. I've used them to make money. Graphics was what I went to college for & soon after graduation landed a good start in. It helped to provide for me financially & I enjoyed creating ads...but I wouldn't say it was something I jumped out of bed for. Now I currently provide customer service to people thru a few companies...helping people to take care of tasks that come with daily life. I do nothing that many of them couldn't do themselves with the same click of the button or mouse, so to say it's something I jump out of bed to do would be only a few seconds away from a laugh. But I do it to survive and b/c I can do it from home. Even if it's not totally fullfilling or allowing me to roll in the dough...it allows me to be just a little more flexible for my children & save some childcare expense. Which leads me to my greatest talent concerning helping others...motherhood. Unfortunately that talent and giving doesn't seem to have any payoff in the monetary sense...or at least I haven't found that opportunity yet. If anything it seems to deplete the cash flow. But I would say that it is one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, whether I like it or not, lol.
So thus far I have not been blessed with the gift of living a life of total fulfillment by doing all that I love every second of the day. I have been knocked down to reality enough to realize that I must do some of what I don't love in order to pay the bills. I must still clean & cook even when I don't feel like it...or definitely don't love it! I think I'm accepting the fact that I may not be one of the fortunates that can do what they love for a living...I will simply have to find a balance and make time around what I must do, to throw in the things that I love to do...so I suppose I'm okay with that.
I know I have many gifts. I've used them to make money. Graphics was what I went to college for & soon after graduation landed a good start in. It helped to provide for me financially & I enjoyed creating ads...but I wouldn't say it was something I jumped out of bed for. Now I currently provide customer service to people thru a few companies...helping people to take care of tasks that come with daily life. I do nothing that many of them couldn't do themselves with the same click of the button or mouse, so to say it's something I jump out of bed to do would be only a few seconds away from a laugh. But I do it to survive and b/c I can do it from home. Even if it's not totally fullfilling or allowing me to roll in the dough...it allows me to be just a little more flexible for my children & save some childcare expense. Which leads me to my greatest talent concerning helping others...motherhood. Unfortunately that talent and giving doesn't seem to have any payoff in the monetary sense...or at least I haven't found that opportunity yet. If anything it seems to deplete the cash flow. But I would say that it is one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, whether I like it or not, lol.
So thus far I have not been blessed with the gift of living a life of total fulfillment by doing all that I love every second of the day. I have been knocked down to reality enough to realize that I must do some of what I don't love in order to pay the bills. I must still clean & cook even when I don't feel like it...or definitely don't love it! I think I'm accepting the fact that I may not be one of the fortunates that can do what they love for a living...I will simply have to find a balance and make time around what I must do, to throw in the things that I love to do...so I suppose I'm okay with that.
welcome!!! :)
Well...welcome to my blog & thanks for taking the time out & finding me. I would first like to say how excited I am about being here, lol. I love the internet & the power of it! I have always considered myself a writer & been one thru journaling etc. but thru this channel I feel like there is greater opportunity to actually have a voice :) What could be greater than that? I'm simply here to share some of my story and struggle and will hopefully be able to learn from other's here blogging as well. I have always found writing to be therapeutic and hope that this blog will help me in a positive way to let things out & sort thru them. Ultimately I'm here in order to help achieve some clarity and therapy thru writing, in order to deal with this life that has been thrown my way! :)
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